Note to self

Every few years, you will find yourself wandering about on the internet and will wonder... "Is that blog still up?" and you'll find this - this time capsule where you leave tidbits of who you are every time you find yourself back here.

NOTE to self: Never leave a love letter here. It's f***ing cringy AF (that means as fuck - in case you forget at the time you're reading this)

At least that's how I felt when I read the last love letter I left here (today). So I ended up deleting our only footprint from that time (I even forget to take note of the year before deleting, but I think it was 2013?). So never leave a love letter. 1. No one reads this - only you read your own stuff. So don't leave anything cringe-worthy. It's not romantic. 2. I don't have a number 2, I just like numbers these days. 

So let me tell you about these days. In case you've forgotten:

1. I can type without looking at the keyboard now - touch-typing! (I googled it!) and I'm a better writer now too. I'm not overthinking things cause I guess I'm more comfortable in my own skin now (as of writing). I'm learning this from watching a lot of cool people on YouTube these days. Oh and I'm CRAZY about BTS (remember them? V, Jimin, JHope, Jungkook, Suga, and RM - in order of how much I like them)! I hope when you read this, you can still touch-type, and that you're an even better writer now (as of reading).

2. Compared to how we were the first time we posted here, I'm less sad now. In fact, I'm actually, generally happy, and a bit more stable. Although I still have my moments when I breakdown, I'm holding up longer than I used to. I hope you're even better now that you're reading this.

3. I'm not too concerned about making this perfectly written. I guess it's cause I now found my passion and what I can potentially be really good at - Learning Experience design or just design in general - and so I'm not really obsessed with doing EVERYTHING perfectly anymore, as long as I'm doing what I got to do really well. I've learned to manage my energy - I hope you're able to keep that up until today

4. I'm more self-aware than self-conscious now - so I know I'm not trying to impress anyone with my writing but myself. Hence this post - so, again, I hope you got to keep that up. I hope you can say you're cooler now, and much more grown-up.

5. My twin sister still annoys the heck out of me - but I'm not afraid to think to myself that I love her now (as of writing). I hope you can say that to HER now though. On the same note, you have come to really know your parents - I still don't dare to type or even think about where they would be by the time you read this. But I hope they are still as happy, healthy, and filled with love when you get this, if not better.

6. Oh, I did not mention the 2020 pandemic yet - I'm writing this in 2021 - a year into the lockdown - I'm doing fine. Had a few breakdowns, but what I want you to remember is how much you've grown and begun your design career in 2020. It was one of my turning points and now it's all a matter of not screwing up and growing to be a bigger and better designer. I hope when you read this, the virus is long gone and the real new normal is much better than the pre-pandemic times. I also hope you're living the dream now and reading this takes you back to when you started. I hope this inspires you to keep moving forward and keep getting better. You are awesome, Jay! Keep being awesome. Don't ever forget, you were never defined by how you failed, but by how you rose to be YOU despite the failures. I hope when you read this, you're proud of who you've become and all you've overcome.

And another thing: 7. I like cats, btw. But I hope when you're reading this, you got yourself a loyal dog. Cause, gosh, the cuts I got from taking in a kitten. I hope when you get this, the scars have all gone and Fish (our cat) is still around lazily hanging out with you and your dog.

There is so much more that happened but these are the key things I wanna leave here today. So I hope this makes you happier than before you started reading. If you found yourself here, you were probably listening to music. At least I know I was before I got here now (as of writing). 

Anyway, I can't wait for you to read this! I hope this made you smile. Don't forget to leave another note! I'm sure this was fun!

'til the next few years, goodnight!

P. S. 

8. I have found the love of my life now! I know this seems like an afterthought, but I was actually thinking about adding her to this letter since I started. But I was so scared to think about our future together. I hope Tracy is there reading this with you and that you're still together. I hope you're treating her with the same love and respect as I would. I know I said no love letters, but really, she's been my rock throughout our 4yrs of being together. So when you get this, know that you have been loving and are being loved in return. 

p.p.s

03222022

8. Nothing is final. Whatever you wrote before this, did not happen... and thank God it didn't. 

You've never been happier now. Whatever you thought love was, you were so wrong... It's so much more! You haven't seen anything yet! You should know and never forget, the way this kind of love unraveled before you, you weren't prepared for it!

It was intense, and soothing at the same time. It was new and unfamiliar and but for some reason, it felt like coming home. It felt like a shift in the sapace-time continuum, and a whole universe was being born and you were right in the middle of it all. It's 2022 but it felt like the genesis of a new era. You had no idea what love was until Mara came into your life. 

Treasure Love, J - it doesn't come too often, and you're one of the lucky ones to have it. 

M - if you're reading this, I love you! I'm so happy you came back to my life when you did. I couldn't be happier now that you're here and can't imagine being with anyone else but you - now and always.