Funny Reflection: Looking Back to the Present

"You are what you love, not who loves you" 
       - Save Rock and Roll by Fall Out Boy

Funny, so it seems. I was so caught up in trying to make sense of everything, that I forgot that I cant, I never have, and maybe I never will. At least until all is revealed and I've forgotten I had been questioning my existence in the first place. 

I was reading through my posts in the past. I usually write only when I have something to write about, I usually only have something to write about when I am overwhelmed with emotion - as if turning them into tears and fake smiles are not enough. But I digress. It's funny how I read about my past and realized I'm still the same. I am who I am, I feel how I feel and I work through it exactly the same way as I did, 3, 4, 5...25 years ago. As I read through my past, I only saw the present - as if the concept of time was nothing but a set of continuous experiences broken down to numbers, to simplify the inevitable complications of life. I am nostalgic, romantic, complicated and alive - I am who I am - I am evolving, not changing.

I keep falling into the same depressing trap that I forget how mundane this life is ought to be. Special things are special, because they are rare, And the story of our lives are actually inspired by moments in time, and they do not extend more than that. 
That moment when she first smiled at you; your first kiss; that time she laughed because you told a joke that no one else got, but her - these moments are  immortalized and magnified in stories to preserve the truthfulness of that event and the sincerity of love.

For the longest time, I thought someone could change me. I thought I wouldn't really  be complete without her. It took a quick look through the looking glass of passed time to realize that I am nothing more than a compilation of everything I have been putting my passion into. The story of my life is a composed of the the moments that made me genuinely happy and agonized - and that makes me who I am, not her, not anyone else. 

Goodnight.

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