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cant sleep and got nothing else better to do: midnight sonata

January 18th, 2007


… "These nights I get high just from breathing.
When I lie here with you I’m sure that I’m real,
like that firework over the freeway.
I could stay here all day but that’s not how you feel.

So why do you leave these questions unanswered?
The circus awaits and you’re already gone.
My Cheshire cat doorstop with fear in your smile,
what makes it so easy for you to be walking by?
And what did I do that you can’t seem to want me?
Why do we lie here and whisper goodbyes?
Where can I go that your pictures won’t haunt me?
What makes it so easy for you to be walking by?"

- Walking By- Something Corporate

Can’t say I still feel the same about her. It’s just that sometimes the past haunts me, and then the fear that something that perfect wont ever come my way again.

Can’t say I want it all back either. Because, ‘though a lot of shit happened in between, I’m good without it all, so why the heck am I still writing this shit and dwelling on this quoted verse of a song which I’m not even really sure what it means. I don’t know.

This shit happens to anyone left hanging (not anyone’s fault but mine) - Questions left unanswered. Memories are still not the past. Lies remaining to be truths. And promises, still waiting to be realized.

I wish there was something I could do stop feeling this way – confused, and stuck over something I can’t do anything about.

As I’ve said, I’m doing good without it all – guess that’s what I’m afraid of. I’m growing numb over the feeling that I can’t deal with ‘cause I’m still hanging. I don’t really want it all back, not really; I just wanna find out why I ended up so worthless to someone worth everything to me.

I know this is something I shouldn’t even bother thinking about. And honestly I wasn’t even thinking about it ‘til a few minutes ago – when I ran into the song. And I guess I don’t really care now if my “hanging question” would remain hanging, ‘cause the fact that I got to ask it was enough for me to get the answers for myself.

Honestly, I don’t have a point for all this shit I’ve just written. goodnight.


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